She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
