he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
