Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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