Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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