By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
