eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
