It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
