Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
