that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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