Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
