help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
