I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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