So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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