Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
