I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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