This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
