My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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