Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
