apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
