found the other keg... it's in the tree
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
