She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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