meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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