the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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