Screwed.edu
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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