Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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