Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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