What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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