It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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