Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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