sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
