Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
