I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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