They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
