i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
