I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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