It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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