I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
