I accidentally had phone sex last night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
