So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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