WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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