just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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