dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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