I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
