We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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