Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize