girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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