bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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