I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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