nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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