Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
wow bdsm is so cute
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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