It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
