i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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