You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
