i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
