Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
