Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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