tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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