I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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