bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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