those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
