I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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