i don't like sucking hair
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
